On Total Depravity.
Photo by Elimende Inagella on Unsplash.
I have seen that a man can live under the illusion that he is "good". That he can be tolerant of others, be kind, be patient. It's not that he is unaware of evil, but he is instead blind to the great evil within himself.
But men conscious of the totally depraved potentials of their minds are the ones who fight the real battle on the war front. It is hard to be selfless when your mind and flesh keep nagging at you of how much more what may be given out, can be kept within for oneself. It is hard to be patient, when people are slothful and slow, and there goes your precious time being wasted.
One can hide behind the veil of goodness, despite knowing the evil within, but we will never keep a perfect score. It's like knowing about a test and doing your best to prepare for it, but still, a level of unpreparedness and ignorance remains.
Try as you might, the best you can give is; all that you are, all that you know, all that is within you. Nonetheless, this knowledge doesn't quench the desire to attain the highest possible score, impossible as it may seem.
It's like reaching to touch the end of the sky. A fool's quest, yes, but it's one that all men chase either way because we find solace living in skyscrapers.
As far from the sky as they are, there's a level of contentment being able to look down on the bungalows, knowing you're not exactly perfect, but you're not as bad either, at least in comparison to the scum of the earth. So we rest in good, although what we yearn for is perfection.
One can therefore know of the evil within their hearts, and try to overcome it with some form of goodness. But with the acceptance of the lack of true goodness within, is where the need for God's goodness becomes effective.
The best of us is still a man, they say. But what is a man, if not a creature once glorified, now fallen and depraved, seeking after pride in all her colourful displays, obsessed with the light of self, given ultimately, truly and finally unto no other but for one’s self at the most primal, fundamental stage.
On this reality, stands the gap between the Creator and the created. We live in skyscrapers and spaceships at best, but God sits on the sky, hence, the One above all.
And if we were to take this test, as prepared as we may be, surely the one who must mark the script must be he who holds the marking scheme. And if ignorance, unpreparedness and the evil within us are present, how then can we pass the test? When we do not have what is required of us?
